I Want To Know What Love Is

A young man went off to college, and at every break, he would bring home a different girlfriend. His father was amused.
But every time, his mother would say something. “Son, she’s beautiful, but isn’t she a little too serious?” Or with the next, Mom would wonder, “I don’t know, she’s so picky.” And with another, “She just strikes me as too quiet for you, my dear.”
At last, the young man brought home this splendid young woman. So bright and brash! He had this sneaking suspicion that he had found someone a lot like his Mom, a suspicion confirmed by the fact that his mother was almost instantly thrilled with the girl.
It didn’t take long for his father to take the young man aside and say, “Son, I’ve always kept my opinion to myself. As long as you’re happy, I’ll love this girl. But I can’t put my finger on it: there’s something about her I just don’t like!”
Ah, love. There is something about love that inspires human beings. Countless stories have been told; countless songs have been sung; countless poems and novels and screenplays have been written about love. Storytellers have tried for centuries on end to get at the fundamental truths about love, and have attempted to define what love is; how to acquire it; how to keep it; and what you should do if you lose it. The singer-songwriters and screenwriters and authors of our 21st century popular culture are fairly uniform in the way they define love: it can be summarized as a feeling that sweeps you off your feet—a huge rush of emotion—and since these are the storytellers we listen to most of the time, we have come to accept that this is the ideal when it comes to romantic love. We have also come to accept what the same storytellers say about the downside of love—they say that this “knock-me-off-my-feet-type feeling” can disappear at a moment’s notice, and if the feeling is gone, then love is too. So cut your losses and go hunting for that feeling with someone else. That’s human culture’s idea of love. But is that what the Bible says about love?
What adds to the confusion about love is that “love” is one of those words that is notoriously elastic—it can stretch in many different ways, depending on the context. For example, so far we’ve been talking largely about romantic love as our culture defines it. Something else is being expressed when a parent says, “I love my kids.” Same word, but there’s something else at work. Same thing when your friend says to you, “I love you, man.” And then the word can simply be used to mean we really enjoy something, like, “I love my Nintendo Wii” or “I love the Browns (you poor soul)” or “I love ice cream.” Love, as a word, is messy, and it can be hard to pin down just what is meant by it. One thing I’m afraid of is that Christian people hear Jesus say stuff like “Love one another,” and because of confusion surrounding the word “love,” they get the wrong idea. They think, “I could never have warm, fuzzy feeling for that guy.” But that misses the point. When Jesus talks about love, He’s not talking about feelings—at least not in the late 20th--early 21st century sense of love being an intoxicant. When he talks about love, he’s talking about a conscious decision to look away from self and to look to the needs of others, and to work towards meeting those needs. And it should not surprise you that Saint Paul talks about love in the same way. You see it in the Epistle reading today. Paul provides us with a detailed definition of godly love. It is challenging to come to terms with this Scriptural definition of love, because it really has nothing to do with the “knock-me-off-of-my-feet-type” love that is far more prevalent and popular. But the truth is that the Bible’s definition of love that we encounter today is higher and better and more rewarding, because this love comes from God Himself.
Listen again to what Paul says love is (or is not):4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never ends.
Now that is quite a list, and if you take it seriously, it explodes a lot of modern myths about love. Remember, Paul is simply saying that this is what love it or what it isn’t. That means if there’s something going on in a relationship that is the opposite of what is described here, it may be a lot of things, but love is not one of them. Impatience or mean-spiritedness—not love. Jealousy or bragging—not love. Arrogance—rudeness—“my way or the highway”—not love. Irritability or resentfulness—not love. Love rejoices in truth. Love can always be counted on. I don’t hear much talk about love “rocking your world” or “blowing your mind” here. Instead, love is the will to do the right thing for someone else.
There’s a twist here, too, that we need to pay attention to: when Paul describes love in 1 Corinthians chapter 13, he’s really talking about how Christians should love each other and everyone in their world. All the weddings at which this passage has been featured notwithstanding, these words are not first and foremost about the love between husband and wife (though they certainly apply). Loving others—having the will to do the right thing for whoever is your path that day—is what Paul calls a “still more excellent way” to live than having a bunch of spiritual gifts. And remember—this Godly love is much more than some touchy-feely kind of thing. Love that comes from God is a real mental choice. It is a commitment to care—even when I don’t feel like it. As Christians, we are to love people even though they are unlovable, unbearable and undesirable. Why? Because there are times when you are unlovable, unbearable, and undesirable—and God still loves you.
We can only harness this type of love in our connection with God. He is the pioneer in providing this love to the world. The most famous Bible verse of them all says it best: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” God’s will to do the right thing for his creation caused him to sacrifice his own dear Son—parents, please imagine what it would be like to exchange the life of your child for anyone else’s (sounds impossible, doesn’t it?)—but that was God’s choice, and it shows just how valuable you are to him. Jesus’ commitment to care for His creation led him to the cross, and Holy Scripture says two amazing things about that commitment. Number One: Jesus had moments, such as in the Garden of Gethsemane, when He didn’t feel like being horribly beaten and nailed to a wooden killing device. And Number Two: He did it anyway. Hebrews 12: 2 says that Jesus, “for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame…” The joy set before Jesus was the joy of knowing that his death and resurrection were going to set things right. His joy was in knowing that after going through the terror of hell and death, you would belong to Him, and that made it worth it.
The love Jesus has shown you calls you to something deeper than your natural response. It isn’t easy to love people—Jesus’ sacrifice makes that obvious. It isn’t easy to have the will to do the right thing for people who have hurt you or betrayed you or changed your life for the worse with their choices. When Jesus’ choice to love you finally flips your switch, and you choose to love others His way, it is never a matter of “I love you because…” You are saying, “I love you anyway.” That’s not anyone’s idea of romantic love, but it is the love that matters most. It is the love that has saved you from destruction. It is the love that can save others through you. To let Jesus’ love overflow from you is indeed the most excellent way to live.